Amazed. What a word to describe a feeling, thought, and process. Not what you all were expecting I am sure, but it is really how I feel right now. Not amazed in a God is so Amazing type of way, even though I know He is and I do feel that way alot, but this is more of how I am amazed at how situations bring up feelings from the past and thoughts go back to where I was 14 years ago. How the feelings of "out of control" and "God knows how I feel because look at what He watched His Son go through". At the same time I have a new anticipation of what is to come now knowing where I was before. Part of me wishes it to be tomorrow because then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this stuff that causes me to be quick to tears, but how real would that be? I am going to take the time that I have dealing with this from a mom's perspective and grow. Grow closer to the creator Himself. I know I can ask all of my "whys" but I already know the answers to those. For me it is a wrestle of who. Yep, who. Who needs to see God through this, who needs to know how great He is, who needs someone to sit next to them and just cry. If there is one thing I have learned is that my heart ache is not alone. When going to the hospital and actually looking around at those who are also there I really know that God surely does give me strength and Kasi too. What is the best part is that I get to share that through tears, hugs, prayers, and giving ears to others who wouldn't normally open to someone who "doesn't understand". So, as we move on this week and the weeks to come pray that we see those who need our shoulder and who can lend a shoulder as well. I know that this is becoming more and more real once again. I do praise God from whom ALL blessing flow and sometimes those blessings are in the form of tears. Tears that flow cleanse and heal.
Next week Tuesday Kasi and I will be making a trip to UofM for testing which will include blood work, EKG, and a chest X-Ray. We will then go back up on July 7 for her angiogram on the 8th. She will spend the night that night and we will discuss what will be done in surgery sometime in the next months ahead. It amazes me how easy it is to say all of these things, but how hard it is to process them in my heart. I look at her and she is a young lady. A true child of God. Her heart belongs to Him both physical and spiritually. I am anxious about what is to come, but with God and His Spirit with us, we will be okay. Kasi's faith is amazing and through my tears, she smiles. She truely shows the face of Christ to those around her.
Please continue to pray for us, our hearts, emotions, and for us to see those around us that need Him, the God of ALL comfort and peace.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I AM
Today I write just to update and reflect on what has happened in the last few days. God has reminded me that He is the great I AM and that is really what I am holding on to and will need to get us through the next few weeks and months.
Yesterday we met with Dr. Stanley at U of M and little to our knowledge he has been following Kasi's case since she was a "tiny tike" as he called her. That was refreshing for us because then we don't have to go into all of her history and try to explain her body. He came in the room actually and told us that there are horses and cows, but Kasi, you are a zebra. Yep that is how unique she is on the inside. Little does he know that she has such an incrediable faith that all of this can't shake us because God's strength is bigger than our weakness. He will learn that about us that is forsure. Dr. Stanley will see a family that is on our knees and will see things just happen, because our God is bigger.
To kind of sum up our visit we were coming home and thinking we were going to have to go back in sometime for some tests and go from there. As of this morning, Dr. Stanley called me again and said sooner the better. I am currently waiting for a call from his nurse to schedule an appointment to have a look at her kidneys and aorta by her renal vessels. He then will review and we will schedule a surgery. There are a couple of options depending on what it looks like in there. One option is a bipass and the other is a patch. It really depends on how much scar tissue she has in there and other factors as well. We do not have a time frame in which this will be done. I am praying that it is all done before she starts school in the fall. Dr. Stanley also really stressed the importance of her inactivity and the fact that even having a close call with a deer on the road could cause her blood pressure to spike high and cause a stroke. So, with that, I pray for protection over her. For all of her body to get the blood supply it needs and that she may thrive as we wait.
What does this look like for her? I have talked to her a little bit, but she is very strong and at the sametime I am not sure she knows how to process this. I know I don't at times. We are super excited that we have found someone to help her, but helping her means we have a very hard road to go down. We once again are faced with life and death issues. We are confident that God is in control and that His will for her is perfect and for her to have life to the fullest. This doesn't mean that this world isn't full of pain and/or discomfort. We will face this "stuff" head on and go foward leaning and trusting in Him who has given her every breath. I, personally am at a mixed emotional state. I trust in God and right now I am praying that the Holy Spirit posess me in such a way that I can feel all of the Joy, Hope, and Peace that comes from Him. It is a process I understand, and right now I have to grieve a little of the past and all of the "things" we have gone through when she was a baby. I know we will get through this and we will see another piece of who God is and rejoice with Him. I am currently searching for those who need to see Him through us and looking to Him to reveal Himself in each moment.
To God be all of the Glory for each day of life! Don't take any of them for granted....do something for Him today!
Yesterday we met with Dr. Stanley at U of M and little to our knowledge he has been following Kasi's case since she was a "tiny tike" as he called her. That was refreshing for us because then we don't have to go into all of her history and try to explain her body. He came in the room actually and told us that there are horses and cows, but Kasi, you are a zebra. Yep that is how unique she is on the inside. Little does he know that she has such an incrediable faith that all of this can't shake us because God's strength is bigger than our weakness. He will learn that about us that is forsure. Dr. Stanley will see a family that is on our knees and will see things just happen, because our God is bigger.
To kind of sum up our visit we were coming home and thinking we were going to have to go back in sometime for some tests and go from there. As of this morning, Dr. Stanley called me again and said sooner the better. I am currently waiting for a call from his nurse to schedule an appointment to have a look at her kidneys and aorta by her renal vessels. He then will review and we will schedule a surgery. There are a couple of options depending on what it looks like in there. One option is a bipass and the other is a patch. It really depends on how much scar tissue she has in there and other factors as well. We do not have a time frame in which this will be done. I am praying that it is all done before she starts school in the fall. Dr. Stanley also really stressed the importance of her inactivity and the fact that even having a close call with a deer on the road could cause her blood pressure to spike high and cause a stroke. So, with that, I pray for protection over her. For all of her body to get the blood supply it needs and that she may thrive as we wait.
What does this look like for her? I have talked to her a little bit, but she is very strong and at the sametime I am not sure she knows how to process this. I know I don't at times. We are super excited that we have found someone to help her, but helping her means we have a very hard road to go down. We once again are faced with life and death issues. We are confident that God is in control and that His will for her is perfect and for her to have life to the fullest. This doesn't mean that this world isn't full of pain and/or discomfort. We will face this "stuff" head on and go foward leaning and trusting in Him who has given her every breath. I, personally am at a mixed emotional state. I trust in God and right now I am praying that the Holy Spirit posess me in such a way that I can feel all of the Joy, Hope, and Peace that comes from Him. It is a process I understand, and right now I have to grieve a little of the past and all of the "things" we have gone through when she was a baby. I know we will get through this and we will see another piece of who God is and rejoice with Him. I am currently searching for those who need to see Him through us and looking to Him to reveal Himself in each moment.
To God be all of the Glory for each day of life! Don't take any of them for granted....do something for Him today!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
UofM
What a weekend it has been! I love holiday weekends when I can be with the family and their friends. Watching kids grow is a gift that is forsure. From Nathan crawling under our truck and camper to Kasi being 14 and so graceful in her actions. Of course Aubree with the soccer team and Ben just being Ben.
I think I have really learned in the last little while just to be and observe that which is around me. Interactions of people and how people respond to things in life has been very interesting to me. Maybe because I really understand how precious each moment is in life and what you are going to do with it really does matter. Where ever God calls us.
Now on to the U of M thing that this all started with. Yes, we are going to U of M with Kasi. This was the begining of my great weekend. On Friday I got a call from Dr. Stanley who is the vacular surgeon that deals with issues like Kasi's. Yes, I know that her case was not taken at first. The only thing I can say to that is that we didn't have it sent straight to him, but to a pediactric cardiovascular surgeon. Yes, Dr. Stanley was consulted, but it was not going to be his case. That is the way I can best explain it. Anyway, after a phone call from Dr. Stanley himself, I got a call from Kasi's cardiologist office who was SUPER excited that he was going to be taken over Kasi's case. I have read up on him and yes, he is the man who has experience and passion in this area. He desires to help kids with these unusual issues and that is a blessing.
I know some people have asked about going to Cleveland Clinic, Boston Childrens, and of course the children's hospital in PA. Well, Dr. Stanley does surgery for kiddos who go there for treatment. Yep, they get sent to U of M to be treated by Dr. Stanley. I really feel like God is making every piece fit together at just the right time. Of course He is!! That is our God! Amazing as always!
That is just a little update.....we will know more after next week Monday when she has her appointment. Pray for wisdom and patience as we go through this process.
God is amazingly good!!!
Jodi
I think I have really learned in the last little while just to be and observe that which is around me. Interactions of people and how people respond to things in life has been very interesting to me. Maybe because I really understand how precious each moment is in life and what you are going to do with it really does matter. Where ever God calls us.
Now on to the U of M thing that this all started with. Yes, we are going to U of M with Kasi. This was the begining of my great weekend. On Friday I got a call from Dr. Stanley who is the vacular surgeon that deals with issues like Kasi's. Yes, I know that her case was not taken at first. The only thing I can say to that is that we didn't have it sent straight to him, but to a pediactric cardiovascular surgeon. Yes, Dr. Stanley was consulted, but it was not going to be his case. That is the way I can best explain it. Anyway, after a phone call from Dr. Stanley himself, I got a call from Kasi's cardiologist office who was SUPER excited that he was going to be taken over Kasi's case. I have read up on him and yes, he is the man who has experience and passion in this area. He desires to help kids with these unusual issues and that is a blessing.
I know some people have asked about going to Cleveland Clinic, Boston Childrens, and of course the children's hospital in PA. Well, Dr. Stanley does surgery for kiddos who go there for treatment. Yep, they get sent to U of M to be treated by Dr. Stanley. I really feel like God is making every piece fit together at just the right time. Of course He is!! That is our God! Amazing as always!
That is just a little update.....we will know more after next week Monday when she has her appointment. Pray for wisdom and patience as we go through this process.
God is amazingly good!!!
Jodi
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