it has been a while...

Well, it has been a while since I have sat down and had time to put some of my thoughts and progress on life on here. Once again it is time. I have been busy at work getting all of our stuff done for becoming foster parents. As most of you know it is a process to say the least just because of all the paper work that comes with having one of these little ones put into your home. I have to say that I am grateful for the process though just to protect them as they transition from one home to another. Although when we are on the receiving end of a baby it seems long when really it has been less than a month since we got "the call". I am extremely amazed at God provision in this. I am not one to be shocked by Him because He has shown so much of Himself to us through life and just recently through Kasi's surgery. Now here we are and I am just so full of joy I feel like I could explode.
One thing you don't know is that the month of Jan. I thought I was pregnant. Not because of any "real" signs, but because my body and mind were going crazy with this thought. Some of you don't know that Ron and I have secondary infertility in which we could not get pregnant, with no explanation. In the last 10 years we have had only 2 pregnancies and both were ectopic. (tubal) The first they used chemo to dissolve and I was on bed rest for about 2 months and the second I ended up in emergency surgery because I was bleeding, which means my tube was getting stretched and could burst. Long story short I had to have my right side removed.
Okay with that said, you know how crazy it was for me to have these feelings in Jan. I only told my very best friend, Kristie, this and she went through this with me. Talking me through this and then she was on her knees and thought, you know I think you are going to have a baby too. I then thought we were both crazy and I went into the Dr. to have my blood drawn just to make sure. I couldn't risk another ectopic. I went in and it was negative. I was kind of defeated, but not really. I thought it was just God's way of saying you don't need to trust in that, trust in me. So, I did! I was already going crazy about Sept. about when I would be do and the way I would tell everyone after everything that we have been through. I was also excited for Ben to have a little sibling. All of those emotions. Well, on Jan. 12 my cycle began and I was crushed. I didn't understand and was throwing my arms up to Him because I was resolved to have only 3 kids! I cried and I cried with Kristie who continued to try and build me up, but was confused herself at why we thought we were so clear on this one. I never have thought that so strongly before and here it was SO strong.
That brings me to the fact of Amari was born on Jan. 12 and we got the call on the 15th that he would be moving into our family if we would have him. Now you know why our God is So awesome. I am just filled with joy and over-flowing! God had this planned! I remember talking to Ron and he was excited and said we just lost our den. And then I called Kristie, my words to her were this, we are so STUPID!
How can we ever know or begin to understand our God who is bigger than our everything. I don't have to wait until Sept. I might not even have to wait 1 month. That is unheard of. Only God can do something so much bigger than us. There are not words to even describe this.
So, where are we in the process. I am happy to say that we have met him. Last Friday we did spend our first 2 hours with him. I am also happy to say that his foster parents love him very much. This is great for Amari, but not so great for them. They were hoping to adopt him as well and when they found us with his brother they were kind of crushed. Okay, really crushed! My heart goes out to them and all foster parents! We pray for them and Amari all of the time. That the last few days be precious for them and that God will give them peace. At the same time because of all of the love they have for him it would be the best if he were placed here quickly. Just so they don't get any more attached. I would love it of you all could pray for Amari and the family. Also, know that their birth mom is out there hurting and trying to drown it ways that are not healthy. She has been living a life that is a circle that she feels she can't get out of. Yes, people choose this, but when people treat you as your life doesn't matter and tell you what they think you are worth you start to believe it. She has lived this way far to long to just walk away. So we pray for her safety and for warmth for her. We don't know if she has regular meals or a safe place to lay her head. I can't judge her....I am not in her shoes. All I know is that God has blessed us with these beautiful little boys that she has chose to give life to. Praise God for His hand in that as well and allowing us to be prayer warriors for her too!
God knows my name and I am humbled by that. Once again He has put me in a place where all there is is worship. Worship Him in and through everything. Our God is a GREAT God! He Reigns! In Heaven and on earth!
Bring the Good News!

Also, Kasi is still doing amazing! And....I got all the paper work done in less than a week and it usually takes 6 weeks to 2 months. God worked in every place of that too. More of those stories to come!