Thursday, April 12, 2012

Happy 16th

Wow Kasi I never knew you would make it to this day!  Actually every year on this day is a time that I have my moments of being filled with tears of awe.  Most mom's reflect I am sure on each of their children's birthday's, but yours is different. And maybe just different from my perspective.  I look at the past 16 years of not only your life, but everyone who's life has been impacted by you, which includes mine.  Having a baby can be an event that is overlooked as a "normal" part of life by most people, but you my sweet girl, have been anything but normal.  (which you know because we tell you all the time...hehehe)  I still chuckle at the fact that I was overwhelmed with tears the day we were going to take you home because you were a little jaundice and they weren't sure if you would have to stay an extra day.  At that I now say "HA"!  I also remember the ride home in which a semi would pass us and I would freak out a little bit.  Then there is taking you to our home and walking you around the rooms, saying "here is your crib, here is your rocking chair, here is our table" and crying so much over that.  Can you say post-pardem blues???  Wow, it was crazy!  Then there was taking you back into the hospital to have your billirueben (sp?) checked and Grandma having to come along because I couldn't even bare to think of you getting poked in your foot!  You would scream and I would sob.  At one point you were in the back with Grandma and I heard you crying and I started crying in the waiting room, a older man came over to me, put his arm around me and said "I understand, my daughter just had a baby too, it's okay".  I think on these little moments, and then look at what was to come about over the next weeks and how God stepped and intervened in my heart to give me strength.  Who knew at the time I was weeping over a foot poke that in 5 weeks we would be sobbing over the side of your crib as the nurses breathed breath back into your body.  Who knew that after what was supposed to be a "simple" tummy surgery that we would get the most devastating news we could ever hear.  Who knew that not only would we hear about your heart being broke, that ours would have to break over and over and yet over again.  Who knew that each time we gave you over to surgery after surgery we would be giving you straight into the hands of our Father to do His work inside your little and not so little body.  Who knew that as your heart, being absolutely the very first case of it's kind, would be the very thing that changes my heart and makes our hearts so in love with the Father who not only holds our physically broken hearts and heals them but also our Spiritually broken heart and heals and holds it.  Who knew that 16 years later we would be able to give so many testimonies of healing, holding, and uplifting, and mostly, lives changed all for His Glory!  God knew. 
I sit here and reflect on the 16 years of your life, I am thankful for each day.  I know that life in your future isn't going to be "easy", but then I think, if it were easy for the past 16 years where would we be?  How much love would we actually have for the One who holds us?  Would we recognize all His goodness for what it is?  Would we be like the "norm"?  I don't want to be like the "norm" and I don't want that for you my sweet baby girl!  I don't want the "norm" to be part of our vocabulary ever, not for you, Aubree, Ben, or Nathan.  I desire to stay radical for the One who is the healer!  The awesome in power! The mighty One! 
May we always be on edge of what God is going to do next and may we always ride the wave of His Spirit in our lives.  I pray that the song in your heart remains strong.  I pray that others may share with you, how God has worked among them and in them because of God's work in you.  Think about Dr. Eilison coming into your room and letting you know that he never realized the depth of the song "I will Praise You in the Storm" until he heard it one morning on the way to U of M and God revealed to him it looks like you!  That is a God moment because of your life.  I praise God for the unusual, the not norm, for those moments.  How many times when going to an appointment you would come out of the Xray and say, so mom, how many new friends do you have?  Thank you Lord for calling us out of ourselves, and into seeing you around us.  Each face is one that is created in the image of God and may you always be faithful in reflecting God back to each face you meet.  May your heart always remain sensitive and loving!  And Kasi, I have to tell you, you have an amazing story that God has given you!  You were given a word from God by many, and were even told you have a gift to compose, I believe God is sorting that out in you right now.  Pray over it, through it, and into it.  He will reveal the how and when.  May you also know that a vision was told to me that a friend had while you were in U of M and it is a vision that will never leave me.  That is a vision of you standing before our Father in His Glory casting your crowns filled with jewels at His feet. 
Keep living your out of the box, not "normal", sold out, bold life!!!  God has and will continue to do GREAT and AMAZING things!
I love you!  But God loves you more!!
Mom

I can't wait to hear you sing your new "life song" soon.  I am attaching it :-)