Tomorrow we will be going in for a routine check-up for our Kasi girl. It is hard to believe it has been two years since her surgery, and at the same time it seems like it has been forever. So many things we remember like yesterday and at the same time things that we have forgotten. For all the things remembered it is all the good things, the smiles shared, relationships built, and the best of all, the praise we saw God get for every good thing. It was the lives that have been changed, and the people who now know Jesus and the strength He gives. These are the things remembered each day, until, the day before an appointment.
The day before we head over to UofM so many emotions go through my head. I am not anxious or scared, but revisiting all of the "stuff" of testing and waiting and going over results. The doctor conversations, the keeping my head into every word so I know the right questions to ask so when we leave I am fully aware of Kasi's health for another year. It seems like we should be at the point where these things shouldn't be of concern and just a normal checkup. For those of you who have been on this journey with us for a long period of time know that nothing is really of the norm with Kasi's body. And of course this past year is no exception. She has had costacondritis which she needed a CT scan for and she has had pain in her leg, swelling in her feet, and of course he feet getting a little funny with color at times, among other things which make us go hmmm. No we don't call on these things because we simply are done with all the doctor visits and really try and enjoy life together without thinking about such things. I am sure though, that this is different for Kasi who actually has these things going on.
Kasi for the most part doesn't tell me about issues anymore, and really why would she? She is completely desiring to lead a normal teenage life. What does that look like for her? I see her and see how mature she is in her thinking and in her relationships. Part of me wants her to be free, run, jump, and be crazy!! She is free and she can sure be crazy, but at times I feel like she is held into this adult mode of thinking because she has come face to face with the reality of whether or not she might see tomorrow. I remember how strong she was looking forward to and anticipating this past surgery. It was amazing the strength she had. I remember having the hard talk with Aubree about what this could look like, and how, no matter what the outcome, we knew God's love for Kasi was so much greater than our own that His will would be perfect. Kasi now says to me that her strength was in the form of peace. She was at peace the days and months before her surgery. God given peace, and peace I desire to live in daily. I remember God's hand on her, physically and spiritually. I also recall her face as she was wheeled away from us that morning. A single tear from each eye rolling down her cheeks, her at peace, but seeing my pain as I longed to go with her, hold her, and tell her it's okay.
So tomorrow we go down these same halls, to the same Dr.s, and the same people who saw us for who we really are, vulnerably on our knees before our Father, trusting. We are trusting, in Him to hold us like we have been held, go before us and prepare those who need to hear of Him, and to share our celebration of Kasi being held and healed by the Almighty.
Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of PEACE.
