Sometimes I think about this blog and the fact that I haven't posted for a long time. I also remember the times that I was posting in it daily. It was kind of a release, a way to process, and share my thoughts and feelings. The story is always going on though, it is always progressing, and changing, growing.
Today Kasi moved back home after her first year of college. I can hardly believe the first years of life, extending into school, and then college. There were so many times throughout her life that we didn't know she would make it this far. And now, she is done with her first year, looking forward to 3 more and then living her dream of helping kiddos in the hospital.
It is amazing to see how real life issues shape us and make us who we are. We have walked a hard road, full of heart break and things that seems so unfair. Through it all we know our God is faithful, He is consistent, He is all knowing, all loving......the list can go on and on. We have so much to our story that I look back on see God's hand in it all. From cash in our mailbox, just the right amount of course, to miraculous healing, amazing provision through a fundraiser for our family, and the biggest of all.....God's grace to us all. Watching these kiddos grow in Him, seeing them love God, because He first loved us.
Watching Kasi over the last year was a blessing to me. She has helped friends walk down rough roads, she has encouraged some in their faith, she has started a bible study too. All of this selflessly, all the while dealing with her own "stuff". Yes, Kasi has her own stuff, it is some of the same stuff she has had before. Her aorta, once again, not perfect, re narrowed, and keeping her from normal life. What is normal for her though. Is it running? Is it doing sports? Is her life filled with the busyness of doing rather than being? One thing Kasi is really good at, being. She is....she doesn't have to be anything to anyone because she is secure in who God created her to be. Without the stuff of this life, who would she be? Would she be able to come along side others like she does? Would she be such a blessing to those who know her? God's hand is above all and in all, and for that we praise Him.
Then watching our family. Watching Aubree grow, the boys too, but Aubree because she is growing into a young woman that is seeking God's heart in all she does. Watching her over the last year and seeing her heart and God working and doing some awesome things in her life. Seeing prayers answered, watching her lean on Him, stand up for Him, and live for Him. I wonder, what would she be like if not surrounded by the hard stuff of life. Watching her sister, suffer, almost leave this world, and also be healed, recover, and depend totally on God. While Kasi's mission field is in Dr.'s offices and hospitals, Aubree's is the soccer field. It's in the gym, it's helping people be better through the stuff that Kasi can't do. Aubree has lived this out in many ways through the years through giving verses, bibles, and being a testimony to those around her. God has used it by also calling her to CMU, to play soccer, and the one of the biggest blessing is that her coaches see something different in her. That something is Jesus.....
Today, I sat with a dear friend during a lunch. I feel honored that she sat, and felt like she could tell me things of her heart. I cried, she cried, and I just listened. (ok, I wasn't completely quiet) I walked away thinking, what an honor to be there, to just be. Again, I wonder, what would my heart be like if it weren't for my struggles, our challenges, my brokenness. God has used the broken to come alongside so many people. God's glory has been seen and continues to be seen through people that walk through the valley.
The story goes on.....Does our story ever end? I wonder do we ever stop talking about God's love, goodness, faithfulness? Do we stop talking about the miracles, the challenges, the brokenness, and healing? The answer is of course, NO!! This year, starting Jan., has been extremely hard for me and for our family. I have cried so hard, begged God to change hearts, for people to change, to grow in Him, to understand and not judge, and God choose to move me, to move us. Looking back I see that once again, letting go was the best thing we could do. That this too is a growing point for our whole family. Sometimes, physical pain is hard, but emotional pain is harder. We have been blessed by true friends, true prayer warriors, and mostly by the Truth. God's word has ministered to our hearts, and we have dug deep to learn full dependence on Him, and not on others. So, our story, continues. We will continue to show grace, as much grace as was given us by Jesus himself. It is not dependent on what others do for us, but on what God already has done through Jesus himself. Our story, makes us who we are. Our story is God's story through us. The great I AM was yesterday, is today, and will be forever. In Him is where our story begins and continues.
Keep looking up!!
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