I look back at the pictures that were taken the night before surgery. I remember her sister and her friend lying in the hospital bed together watching a movie. We shared some laughs and cried some tears. What I also remember was the fact that Pastor Dave stayed until everyone was gone, and just sat and prayed with us. At the same time in the hotel other family members have their own story of what they were doing, thinking, and praying that night. Aubree was in a room with Brittany and Kristie and I know that they prayed, talked, and cried. Thinking back on her, 7th grade year and this huge event in her life I know it changed her as well. Then there are the boys, Ron was so good as to take care of all of their needs during this time, and also being a dad to a very sick young lady.
One of the biggest memories I have about not only this night, but the few nights prior, and maybe even weeks, were the conversations I had with Aubree. The hard, hard conversations. You see, Kasi was at total peace. What rocks my world about this still is that Kasi, being so intimately close to Jesus, was not scared. She told me, maybe a year or two later, that she was at peace because she knew that when she woke up, she would either be with me, or with Jesus, and either one was okay. She had nothing to fear. Aubree and I, well, we were having conversations in the car as I would take her back and forth to soccer, about what life looks like. What if Kasi was called home? What if Kasi survives? What is she comes out very changed, like can't walk or talk? We went through all of these senarios in a very real way. Our conclusion always being, we can not be selfish in our thoughts of what we desire, but we need to put all of these thoughts, feelings, and desires before the feet of our King in His throne room. We need to pray that we accept and are faithful to God and His call through the process, and that our own desires don't get in the way of God's work through us and the best for Kasi. After all, our home is not in this world. This is only our very temporary home, our residence is in heaven!
Going through this stuff of life here on this earth you have choices. You can look at it and go, wow, we made it! You can look at it as wow, God gave me strenth then I know He will if we have to do that again, but let's hope we don't. OR.....you can look at this as a stepping stone to surrender. We have found ourselves in constant surrender to stuff of this life. God has called us to difficult situations and circumstances in the last 5 years. He has also called us to come and walk with others in their difficult situations too. He doesn't give us these situations to just look back, but also look forward. He gives us eyes to see Him working in the lives of others. He gives us the knowledge and wisdom to recieve suffering as a gift of refinement. As I remember....remember with me, your story....
Praise to God for a Living Hope
1 Peter
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
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