Amazed

Amazed. What a word to describe a feeling, thought, and process. Not what you all were expecting I am sure, but it is really how I feel right now. Not amazed in a God is so Amazing type of way, even though I know He is and I do feel that way alot, but this is more of how I am amazed at how situations bring up feelings from the past and thoughts go back to where I was 14 years ago. How the feelings of "out of control" and "God knows how I feel because look at what He watched His Son go through". At the same time I have a new anticipation of what is to come now knowing where I was before. Part of me wishes it to be tomorrow because then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this stuff that causes me to be quick to tears, but how real would that be? I am going to take the time that I have dealing with this from a mom's perspective and grow. Grow closer to the creator Himself. I know I can ask all of my "whys" but I already know the answers to those. For me it is a wrestle of who. Yep, who. Who needs to see God through this, who needs to know how great He is, who needs someone to sit next to them and just cry. If there is one thing I have learned is that my heart ache is not alone. When going to the hospital and actually looking around at those who are also there I really know that God surely does give me strength and Kasi too. What is the best part is that I get to share that through tears, hugs, prayers, and giving ears to others who wouldn't normally open to someone who "doesn't understand". So, as we move on this week and the weeks to come pray that we see those who need our shoulder and who can lend a shoulder as well. I know that this is becoming more and more real once again. I do praise God from whom ALL blessing flow and sometimes those blessings are in the form of tears. Tears that flow cleanse and heal.
Next week Tuesday Kasi and I will be making a trip to UofM for testing which will include blood work, EKG, and a chest X-Ray. We will then go back up on July 7 for her angiogram on the 8th. She will spend the night that night and we will discuss what will be done in surgery sometime in the next months ahead. It amazes me how easy it is to say all of these things, but how hard it is to process them in my heart. I look at her and she is a young lady. A true child of God. Her heart belongs to Him both physical and spiritually. I am anxious about what is to come, but with God and His Spirit with us, we will be okay. Kasi's faith is amazing and through my tears, she smiles. She truely shows the face of Christ to those around her.
Please continue to pray for us, our hearts, emotions, and for us to see those around us that need Him, the God of ALL comfort and peace.