I know yesterday I mentioned Kasi strength through all of this. This is the morning that I saw her one tear. Not knowing at that time that tear was actually for me. Her focus on what my life would be without her and thinking, and praying that God would take care of me. Kasi's life was about to be forever changed, and yet, her focus was not inward, but outward. Asking God to help those who love her no matter the outcome. That is why the one single tear.....
I will never forget that tear. It is one of the most vivid memories I have of this journey. To me I thought she was saying "good-bye" or saying "I don't want to do this". I of course tried to use humor I am sure to calm her, when truly she was the calm one. This tear didn't happen right away in our prep room, this tear came only at the end when saying our "ta ta for nows". Don't let me kid you, we were saying goodbye, maybe for a moment, maybe till we are all called home. We honestly didn't know. My heart was being so strong....until the tear.
The walk out of the room, and yes, we had a whole room because of the complexity and seriousness of her surgery, for all of our family and friends to come into. My focus was solely on Kasi, but I wonder. How was it for Aubree? How was it for Ron? Grandparents? Her friend and mine? They too.....saw the tear.
I remember them taking her back right on time. They were all fresh I am sure since it was 6:30am. She was preped the night before, so we didn't have anything else that morning except prayer. Prayer, the biggest and most important thing for this journey. At the time I knew it would help us through, but I had no clue how much. And the fact that there were so many praying for us, God gave me a vision of the throne room being LOUD with the name of Kasi. Jesus bringing her name to the Father with all of these voices behind it. My little plead and whimper almost a distraction to those who were being loud on her behalf. It is like it started with a quiet whisper, a few gathered, then it started. The flood gates were opened. I clearly remember a friend sending me a message that Christian radio station had just stopped and prayed for Kasi on the air, and she was in Revive and every shopper and worker there stopped and prayed with them. What a beautiful picture in my mind. Then my dad recieved a text message from a pastor friend saying Moody Bible Institute during their live broadcast just prayed for Kasi. I recieved messages saying that at the beginning of each class at Unity every teacher every hour, with all the students prayed for Kasi. People had T-shirt wearing day for that day. I got a picture of the student body at Unity all dressed in green and purple. It was LOUD before the throne. And my heart could feel it.
I keep going back through the blog, to remember, to share, to give to others.....the pain of that day was still there in the middle of peace. This song I posted that day.....
One tear.....
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