Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas to all!!  I don't know how to put all of my feelings into words this year.  It seems that there is so much on my mind.  I sit and watch our family being all together knowing how precious each life is.  I am so blessed to be the mom of some awesome children.  I hear Ben pray and it is a blows my mind where he came from and now where he is, and Nathan too.  So many people tell us how lucky they are, but I never see it that way.  We are the "lucky" ones.  Even though I never say the word lucky, I feel it is just another one of God amazing works.  He sure has filled my heart and I feel honored to be His child.
This Christmas we are spending most of it at home.  We can't have any sickness come into the house.  Kasi is doing really well and I am super happy to be home.  Kasi did have a doctor appointment in which we found out she has actually lost 2 lbs since she has been home.  Her doctor really made it clear to her that she needs to eat even if that means taking her meds to eat.  Another thing we have to do is keep the house warm so she doesn't waste calories keeping her body warm.  So, we set the temp at 70 and that is where it stays.  Believe it or not she still wears a sweat shirt and sometimes a hat because it is "cold". 
I have watched her go through so much in the last 2 months that this weight thing seems so little in comparison to everything else.  I know it is very important too because it could put her back into the hospital.  That is why she can't get sick either.  Her body doesn't have the strength to fight it.  We know our God is amazing and His hand in on her, so we are smart with our choices, and we know He will do the rest.
So, all of my reflecting on my heart and what our family has been through, this is what I have been thinking about during this Christmas season.  Something new to me that is for sure, but it makes sense to where we are. 
Christmas Eve and Mary and Joseph were searching for a place to stay.  How long was Mary in labor?  How far did she have to walk?  How did she feel knowing the King of Kings was about to be born and there wasn't any place for Him.  Now it would be hard just not being able to find a place being in labor, but to think that the baby you are carrying is "the baby".  Of course she didn't fully understand what His work was going to be about, but she knew He was special and here they are lying Him in a manger.  We always think about how awesome it is that Jesus was born in a manger because it shows His humble heart, but what were Joseph and Mary feeling and thinking?  I know how I would feel as a mom, and a mom of a first born.  We wouldn't settle for anything less than the best hospital. 
Then to watch Jesus grow.  How great it must have been as a mom to watch Him learn and experience life, knowing all the while He was God's Son!  Think about watching him at the age of 12 or how they must have felt when they couldn't find him.  Oh My, loosing a child for a moment is one thing, but the responsibility they must have felt knowing how special He was to the world and they didn't know where he was.  Overwhelmed I am sure!
Then on to watch Jesus minister.  I am sure it was kind of hard to watch some leaders of the church talk bad about your son.  The talk that must have happened in "his home town" where he was not welcomed.  As a mom, I might have been angry, hurt, or both.  I just wonder how was it to be his sibling?  To see so many following him, and to hear him speak with such wisdom.  Making the Bible make sense in a different way.  In a way that touches their hearts.
All of this, for years being together, growing, learning, and watching.  Over 30 years being a family, bound by flesh of this world.  Mary did you know, that your baby boy, was the Saviour to the world.  How did she feel seeing him suffer?  How was it at the foot of the cross of her son, hearing all of the mocking and seeing what they were doing to him?  How did she bare such pain............for me.  For Me. For Ron For Kasi. For Aubree. For Ben. For Nathan. For Anthony (the boys brother who we pray will grow up knowing Jesus!)
For You. How did his siblings feel?  How was the family the day after?  How was their grief?  They didn't have the full gift of the Holy Spirit yet.  They did not know he was going to rise again for the world!  (well, they would have if they would have listened to all of his teaching, but it didn't make sense to them...yet)  How incredible, the baby Mary and Joseph were struggling to find a place to lay down, was hanging on a cross in front of them.  I am sure it didn't make sense because he had not been a "savior".....YET....He was!  Baring our sin and shame, so we can have this incredible gift of being close to our Father once again. 
As I reflect on Christmas this year, I reflect on the whole story.  I have seen our family suffer through some circumstances of living in a broken world.  I have also seen God's work not only in our life, but through others all over the place.  I am touched that God would choose us to be the faithful ones who could share God's good news that is for all people.  A Saviour has been born!!  And even more than that, He is living here with us.  Jesus is going before us, along side us, and sometimes pushing us from behind.  I have felt His peace and know His love even more today. 
Be Blessed this Christmas with the love of God that is greater than what we can conceive.  Even if you are in the middle suffering or hard circumstances, there are people who have walked this path before us and God was with them and He will be with us.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness.  Thank you Jesus! 
May you all celebrate the Christmas Miracle, the whole story, the salvation of all who believe, being laid in a manger......

Fragile fingers sent to heal us, tender brow prepared for thorns, tiny heart whose blood will save us.....
Welcome to our world!!